The Academy of Country Music has canceled Taylor Swift’s membership, stating, “She hasn’t been country in years.”

The Academy of Country Music has canceled Taylor Swift’s membership, stating, “She hasn’t been country in years.”

Taylor Swift hasn’t landed a country hit in over a decade, despite ensuring there’s at least one on each album, a strategy aimed at maintaining her membership in the Academy of Country Music.

Following numerous complaints about her continued nominations and victories in country music categories despite her lack of recent hits, the ACM has decided to revoke her membership.

“She’s been out of touch with our genre for years,” remarked George Strait’s standup bass player Joe Barron. “She only shows up around award season to hog the spotlight. Did you see her at the Grammys? She wouldn’t sit down. She’s like eleven feet tall, for crying out loud. Move outta the way, giraffe!”

Please pardon our source’s colorful language, patriots. In the ALLOD multiverse, Joe plays various roles, and he’s not entirely comfortable with the “angry boomer” persona.

“Get off my darn lawn,” Barron added. “Go sip on a latte and munch on a Tide Pod instead of buying a house, you fool.”

Bless his heart. We can’t bring ourselves to send him to a retirement home because chances are he’ll be the CEO of Nike tomorrow.

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